Mid Late Thoughts

 

~ Many things ~

 

I'm still at the beach. It's very quiet here. Just me and the Purr and Fur Gang. Jodie has been having too much fun barking at the Deer, Seagulls, Eagles, dogs, people walking on the beach, boats in the water. You name it and she's barked at it. I remind her not to do it by showing her the bird house or the spray bottle. My girl will always be a talker. She's like me. Maddy Jean is just enjoying the Summer. Relaxing like an old Golden should while watching her sister be silly.

 

My days are spent reading and taking the girls outside. This place was kind of built weird. From what we heard, there was a big nasty divorce in the middle of building this home. It's a grand place but has so many odd things about it. One being that there is no stairs to the back yard. The owners had the steps riped off the deck. We even have boards hanging off into the unknown. Anyway, this means that I have to go down two flights of steps and go through the basement, to let the girls go outside. I don't mind a few steps but every time I let them out it's an ordeal. So, many times we make an afternoon of it. I get a bag ready with my book, reading glasses, something to drink, bottle opener, chap stick, a few dog bones and whatever else I've thought of.

 

I sit by the water and read my book. Sometimes we are down there for hours and other times just twenty minutes. Either way, the girls get to play. Lately, with the hot days we've been having, we go back up the lawn and I sit on this big rock. How or why it's there I don't know but it makes a good seat. I can still see the water and sunsets but usually it's in the shade. I watch the girls play or rather I watch Maddy Jean bark at Jodie and Jodie does her herding routine. It's quite entertaining. After a while, I go into the basement and ask if they are ready. Most times, Maddy Jean is and Jodie will come in too. Then up those stairs we go. Maddy Jean and I are the ones who stop and look at them before we go up. She and I are getting older and wish it was two or three steps instead of what it is.

 

On Monday, I'm going back into town. Leaving the Purr Gang here in the air conditioning. I have my heart surgery done on Tuesday. It's supposed to be a day surgery. I wish. I hope. My surgeries with my kidney were supposed to be day too but with my ever fast and low beating heart, I went up to the cardiac care unit. Maybe this time, they will fix me and I'll go home like I should. I am having an ablation and I'm told I will be a wake. They want to talk to me off and on. Supposed to take two to three hours depending. Oh, do I know how to have fun or what.

 

When I'm done, I hope to be able to get back to the beach to be with the Purr Gang. I don't like to leave them for longer than a few days. Kind of like when you go camping on a weekend. My Purr Gang won't even miss me. Jasmine will but the boys just nap in the sun and cool off with the air conditioning. Yes, I am spoiling them.

 

I'm also in a mid later life crisis. I know I'm a bit late on this but I was busy raising kids and being sick. I wanted so much when I was young. Now, that I'm old I have all that I wanted. (I grew up very poor and wanted a small house with flowers and cats and dogs.) It's the emotional things that I didn't get right. I still don't have that figured out. I try. Oh, you can't say that I don't try. I'm just a bit sad right now. This will pass. I know that next week or after, I will be happy as can be. It's just that I'm so tired of the constant struggles I have. One being with my daughter. The fact that I've done all I can and still it won't get better. I have let her go. Only she still lives with me. At my other house. She's looking for work but until then she'll be with me. Thus, I can't move on til she has. All emotional stuff. I can't fight anymore. I just don't have it in me. So, until she is gone and on her own, I will have this going on. I'm too old for this.

 

So, On Tuesday my heart gets fixed. I hope for great things. Like enjoying the rest of the Summer. I have a camping trip to Kalaloch planned. With this nice weather, I've imagined being there. Only it will probably rain, like it always does when I go camping. Oh well, at least it will be on the Ocean.

 

And, there you go.

My thoughts on Thursday.

 

~ JC ~

 



Mid Week Thoughts or The Best and The Worst

Wandering this thing called life.

What an adventure it can be.

I have the best and the worst.

My days are filled with the youthfulness

of my new love, Jodie Isabella.

I think of her and what she needs.

She has brought the joy back to our home.

We were sad as can be over here.

Darkness covered our days and nights.

She has opened our souls to the brightness that was hiding.

She brings the thoughts of possiblilities.

In doing this, she also reminds me of how old I am.

The what if's come to me.

I worry about the cats health.

They are getting older.

My other dog, Maddy Jean, is almost nine.

What would Jodie do without her.

What would Maddy Jean now do without Jodie.

Jodie has brought Maddy Jean back.

Not that she was gone but she was so sad.

Now, she plays all day inbetween naps.

Me, I'm trying to keep up.

Acting like I'm in my thirty's or forty's, only I'm not.

I finally had to go to the not so popular Dr.'s office.

Not the mini clinic like I normally do.

And, by normally I mean when I have to.

Nope, my old damage body had demanded that

I visit with the professionals who ask all sort of questions.

Always the shock of being in a coma and sepsis.

Question after question.

I quess they are surprized to have me just mention it like

it was a cold or a previous broken arm.

Not that big a deal.

Yes, it happened and now let's talk about what I came in for.

Do they ever want to run tests on me.

Oh, the joys of getting old.

So, there you have the best and the worst.

The possibilities are endless.

So, I will enjoy my freshness and

wait to hear what those professionals have in store for me.

Nothing like being tested on .. been there and done that.

Oh, and the weather .. it's rainy wet out with snow arriving soon.

And, again I think .. the good and the bad.

Jodie will play in it and driving to puppy class will be hell.

Enjoy your Wet Wedneday

~ JC ~

On Friday She Writes

When I think back, there's always a girl walking in the woods.

Trees line the small dirt road that turns and curves around them.

The warmth of a Summer day.

Water can be heard from the river that is rolling.

She's walking in between the curves.

A big black bird sits on a branch talking to it's friends.

Parts of pine cones and leaves fall from the tall trees.

She looks up and then down where they fall by her feet.

She's young. In the brightness of her life.

She doesn't know it but this will be the start of her jouney.

She starts now.

She'll remember this time.

The adventures she had. The walks she took.

The moments she saw the things.

The sounds of the water rushing against the rocks.

The dirt between her fingers.

The feeling of knowing that

this is what she was meant to do.

Only it isn't for a long time

that she realizes that her soul was left in those woods.

~ JC ~

I am starting a new thing.
I'm calling it
On Friday She Writes.
Please join me if you wish,
Or, just enjoy what I have written.
What a silly I am.

you would think at my age

i have all sorts of things going on in my head

thoughts 

what are they for

who put them there

you would think at my age 

i wouldn't be 

what .. confused ... anymore

but i am and it's bothering me

not knowing what to do

i'm not good at making 

decisions

wish i were

where is that crystal ball

like in disneyland

when you turn the corner

and the witch is in it

i want one of my own

how about you

Before I Woke Up

An Afternoon Thought

The wonders of words
What they really mean
Who says them and why
The silence of thoughts
Mine are loud and tiring
I fight with the mental pictures I draw
No one but me hiding in the depths
Where did I go
Will I come back
There Where Maybe
I see you

Do you know me
I used to be someone
Before I woke up