Thursday, July 11, 2013

Mid Late Thoughts

 
~ Many things ~
 
I'm still at the beach. It's very quiet here. Just me and the Purr and Fur Gang. Jodie has been having too much fun barking at the Deer, Seagulls, Eagles, dogs, people walking on the beach, boats in the water. You name it and she's barked at it. I remind her not to do it by showing her the bird house or the spray bottle. My girl will always be a talker. She's like me. Maddy Jean is just enjoying the Summer. Relaxing like an old Golden should while watching her sister be silly.
 
My days are spent reading and taking the girls outside. This place was kind of built weird. From what we heard, there was a big nasty divorce in the middle of building this home. It's a grand place but has so many odd things about it. One being that there is no stairs to the back yard. The owners had the steps riped off the deck. We even have boards hanging off into the unknown. Anyway, this means that I have to go down two flights of steps and go through the basement, to let the girls go outside. I don't mind a few steps but every time I let them out it's an ordeal. So, many times we make an afternoon of it. I get a bag ready with my book, reading glasses, something to drink, bottle opener, chap stick, a few dog bones and whatever else I've thought of.
 
I sit by the water and read my book. Sometimes we are down there for hours and other times just twenty minutes. Either way, the girls get to play. Lately, with the hot days we've been having, we go back up the lawn and I sit on this big rock. How or why it's there I don't know but it makes a good seat. I can still see the water and sunsets but usually it's in the shade. I watch the girls play or rather I watch Maddy Jean bark at Jodie and Jodie does her herding routine. It's quite entertaining. After a while, I go into the basement and ask if they are ready. Most times, Maddy Jean is and Jodie will come in too. Then up those stairs we go. Maddy Jean and I are the ones who stop and look at them before we go up. She and I are getting older and wish it was two or three steps instead of what it is.
 
On Monday, I'm going back into town. Leaving the Purr Gang here in the air conditioning. I have my heart surgery done on Tuesday. It's supposed to be a day surgery. I wish. I hope. My surgeries with my kidney were supposed to be day too but with my ever fast and low beating heart, I went up to the cardiac care unit. Maybe this time, they will fix me and I'll go home like I should. I am having an ablation and I'm told I will be a wake. They want to talk to me off and on. Supposed to take two to three hours depending. Oh, do I know how to have fun or what.
 
When I'm done, I hope to be able to get back to the beach to be with the Purr Gang. I don't like to leave them for longer than a few days. Kind of like when you go camping on a weekend. My Purr Gang won't even miss me. Jasmine will but the boys just nap in the sun and cool off with the air conditioning. Yes, I am spoiling them.
 
I'm also in a mid later life crisis. I know I'm a bit late on this but I was busy raising kids and being sick. I wanted so much when I was young. Now, that I'm old I have all that I wanted. (I grew up very poor and wanted a small house with flowers and cats and dogs.) It's the emotional things that I didn't get right. I still don't have that figured out. I try. Oh, you can't say that I don't try. I'm just a bit sad right now. This will pass. I know that next week or after, I will be happy as can be. It's just that I'm so tired of the constant struggles I have. One being with my daughter. The fact that I've done all I can and still it won't get better. I have let her go. Only she still lives with me. At my other house. She's looking for work but until then she'll be with me. Thus, I can't move on til she has. All emotional stuff. I can't fight anymore. I just don't have it in me. So, until she is gone and on her own, I will have this going on. I'm too old for this.
 
So, On Tuesday my heart gets fixed. I hope for great things. Like enjoying the rest of the Summer. I have a camping trip to Kalaloch planned. With this nice weather, I've imagined being there. Only it will probably rain, like it always does when I go camping. Oh well, at least it will be on the Ocean.
 
And, there you go.
My thoughts on Thursday.
 
~ JC ~
 


11 comments:

Fuzzy Tales said...

I'm sending you positive energy (Light) for your surgery, and the boys are sending purrs. Crossing fingers and paws that all really does go well.

I think you have to be a pretty tough cookie to hang on through all that you have, and survive, even thrive, though maybe it doesn't feel like "thriving" to you. Sometimes "surviving" is all we can do, and not just physically.

I don't think most of us get what we wanted or hoped for when we were younger. We talk about this a lot at work, because most of us are in the same age group, 50-ish.

And it's some sort of universal law that you'll get what you want...but not in the way you expected. Funny about that.

I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but the best I can do is roll out of bed in the morning and get myself off to work.

I will say to just focus on your self right now. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with being sad. I don't know anyone over 40 who is happy, frankly. And in today's fast-paced, crazy world, maybe not even anyone over 30.

So let your Self be whatever it needs to be.

(((Hugs)))

missy said...

My thoughts will be with you on Tuesday..Ablations have been done for some time..Hope it does the trick for you and that you and the fur gang are back at the beach very soon..

Brian said...

We sure will be thinking of you and sending you all of our very best purrs and prayers...and gentle hugs too.

Cat said...

I will be thinking about you on Tuesday and sending you my best healing thoughts and of course my boys send their purrs too :-)

Meg & Quill said...

We will be sending our best healing thoughts and purrs to you!!

clairz said...

Sending big hugs to you, hoping that the heart surgery goes well and is, indeed, a day surgery.

I want you to know that you descriptions of your days by the water go straight to my own dry desert heart.

Be well, and be of good cheer.

Judy said...

Hugs and prayers!!! I hope this surgery gets it all fixed, and you can go back to the beach!!!

Swami Zoe said...

We all pray your surgery goes well! Nice to meet you and all the furry ones! Me-Ommmmm

Cheri Wildcatwoods said...

Sending lots of hugs and healing energy that all goes well in your next surgery!

Cat said...

It's Tuesday night, I hope you are home safe after a successful operation!

onlinephduk said...

Wow, don’t stress yourself too much. Ups and downs are normal. Just hang on coz’ everything will pass. Change is constant in this world of ours so just trust in Him. Same here, I’m feeling a bit discontented or unhappy; I don’t actually know what happening to me. I guess I’m just stressed out. But this will pass. I know.



from Jessica Owens @PhD Degree Programs

There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all of the drama and the people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.

~ Jose N. Harris

Characters In My Garden

Purr Gang ~ My five cats

Cats ~ Al, Ashton Rosevelt, Jasmine Marie, Riley Andrew & Meredith Ann

Fur Gang ~ Jodie Isabella and Sally Jean
(The Original member, Sweet Bella is in memory only now. Maddy Jean, another original member, past away in August of 2014)

Mr. Boatman ~ my husband who likes boats

DD ~ my daughter who graduated and is now out living in the real world

DS or Dson ~ my son is studying computer science and math



Maddy Jean & Bella

Maddy Jean & Bella
Both gone but never forgotten

Jodie Isabella

Jodie Isabella

Al

Al
I adopted him from our local Humane Society

Ashton

Ashton
Adopted from my local horse supply store

Jasmine

Jasmine
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals

Riley

Riley
I adopted him from the local Humane Society

Meredith Ann

Meredith Ann
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals