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I have been sitting on the deck.
Rocking in my chair.
The table next to me has a beer and sunscreen on it.
The glass I am drinking from has a bee design.
It's a fancy design that I found
while dining in Cannon Beach, Oregon.
I ordered plates and glasses online.
I have them here at my beach place.
Anyway, that is what my lovely Scottish Ale is in.
I sit with an ice pack on my right back.
Hoping that this time it will improve.
I will get up and my leg is better.
Not this disaster that it has become.
I sometimes forget who I now am.
I decide to walk to here or there and
am reminded very fast that I am
indeed not who I used to be.
Silly really how simple a thing walking is.
Everyone does it.
They don't even think about it.
I have had it taken away from me
four or five times now.
I had six really good years.
I hid in my woods and 'it' didn't find me.
Then one day, it did.
Like it was looking everywhere for me.
When it found me, it celebrated.
It was thrilled.
Me, not so much.
So, as I type this I am dealing with the
reality of what my old cat lady body
is and I am not doing ok with it.
Mentally, I am better.
I think that happens when you realize
that there is nothing you can do.
I still have hope though.
At least for now.
And, I have pain pills, at least for now.
When those run out, that will be terrible for me.
And, this having to depend on others for everything
well, it's going to get old fast.
But, for today, I sit in the sun.
I remember walking.
Of all the things that one can remember,
walking without pain
is the one I want so much.
~ JC ~
