Saturday, November 6, 2010

I Am

I was watching an add for the movie, Invictus.
I heard Morgan Freeman say these words ...

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

I wrote them down and thought how they should be my motto. At least for a while. My life gets crazy. Things happen that I cannot control. Things happen to others around me and again I can do nothing about it. I can, though, continue on. Here's the poem that these words come from. Read on ... as I did.

 Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

As some of you know, I survived a nasty coma almost five years ago. I was not supposed to live through the night. Not the day. Not the next week. I woke and could not move. I had to relearn to walk and talk again. To this day, I still have trouble with some words. I have what I call the remains of my coma. I think this poem was meant for me. I just wish I'd found it five years ago.

Some have asked how I kept going. I just did and I will continue until I can't. It's not easy not being who I used to be. I'm a bit lost within this brain. It sometimes remembers and sometimes it does not. I get scared ... a lot. I've been to the bottom and I don't want to go back. So, for today ...

I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.

~ JC ~


Cat said...

It is an amazing poem (I quite enjoyed the movie too).

Few of us have gone through the darkness it speaks of or what you experienced in a coma, you have reserves of strength we can only dream of; or you would not have made it out! Please remember that on the days when you feel lost or scared :-)

You kept going and you are an inspiration.

Brian said...

I am so glad you are determined, you make me proud to know you, but I was already! Purrs.

Fin said...

Fighting through it is sometimes the only way to make it through. We hope your fight gets easier though.

LeAnn said...

Great Poem, JC. You are a wonderful STRONG woman and you are often an inspiration to me!

Jacqueline said...

A beautiful poem containing such wisdom as well...So glad you are a survivor in many ways and refuse to give up; you are a strong and vital woman with lots of determination and love in your soul...Take care of yourself, sweet friend.

clairz said...

You've made it through some fearsome times. I'm so glad that you are here and so honest about your feelings. Thank you for posting this poem. I have a friend who was in a similar-sounding coma, and I think she would like to read this.

Webster said...

I have gone through a small bit of what you have. These days things seem to be progressing and it scares me for reasons difficult to explain. I can see how this saying can bring you some solace.

There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all of the drama and the people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.

~ Jose N. Harris

Characters In My Garden

Purr Gang ~ My five cats

Cats ~ Al, Ashton Rosevelt, Jasmine Marie, Riley Andrew & Meredith Ann

Fur Gang ~ Jodie Isabella and Sally Jean
(The Original member, Sweet Bella is in memory only now. Maddy Jean, another original member, past away in August of 2014)

Mr. Boatman ~ my husband who likes boats

DD ~ my daughter who graduated and is now out living in the real world

DS or Dson ~ my son is studying computer science and math

Maddy Jean & Bella

Maddy Jean & Bella
Both gone but never forgotten

Jodie Isabella

Jodie Isabella


I adopted him from our local Humane Society


Adopted from my local horse supply store


I adopted her from Purrfect Pals


I adopted him from the local Humane Society

Meredith Ann

Meredith Ann
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals