Thoughts On Thursday

A friend of mine just went to her High School reunion. What she wrote was wise and thoughtful and all heart. I think she nailed it when writing about how most of us are just normal.

 I did not go to my reunions. They were just far enough away for me to make the excuse of too far, don't have time or I just don't want to go. I liked my younger years but when I left those halls, I left for good. (except when I had to go back to get my records when I was transferring schools .. old days here before the net did it for you).

I'm still striving to be what I thought I would be. I guess what I am trying to say is that I was young and naive at seventeen.The hope for the future was bright. I sure didn't want to end up like our parents. I would make something of myself. Even though I did not go back in time to see how many wrinkles those cheerleaders had, I feel like I was there. (I've had several friends who went and told me stories of what so and so looked like.) The same story is told again and again. The ending is the same.

 I am ok. I always was. I just didn't know it at seventeen. I know it now though.

The question I want to ask is ~
What did you want to do ? and
What did you end up actually doing ? and
 Are you happy ?

I wanted to be a history major in college. Thought I would be a lawyer or a history professor. I also wanted to write. Had been telling stories my whole life. Did I do those things ? No, I did not. Went to college and took a terrible history class that made me totally change my ideas on what you want and what you will actually do. I ended up counting checks at a bank. Basically, I ended up trying but failing. I've always ... not always cause that hasn't happened yet ... kind of felt like a failure. Not to anyone else but to myself. I let myself down. I was too naive to realize that what you want and what you get are really ten thousand different things.

Am I happy ? For the most part, yes I am. I find it in the sky, the water, the animals that I love. I find it in the smallest of things. My life has not been easy. I came from nothing (money and social wise)  and fought my way to where I am today.

Did I write that great novel ? No, I did not but I do think a lot of great ideas. I am still trying to do what that young girl wanted. It just got put to the side with life and the times I was having. The old life got in the way theory.

So, I'm kind of glad that I did not go back to a reunion. Those years and those memories will remain intact like they are frozen in time. No wrinkles to ruin them. Just youthful dreams.

~ JC ~