I've been blogging for a few months now and it does seem that I'm slowing down. Blogging wise and in everything wise.
Summer is fabulous. I enjoy the Sun, taking naps with the dogs & cats, watering the barrels in the driveway ... even though it was hot today. That's the reason I went in & ended up taking a nap with the Purr Gang. Was lovely to wake up & have most of them with me.
It is a bit sad though ... that Summer is ending. I felt it this morning. A chill was in the morning air. My daughter has already left for college. My son starts back next week. He's not happy about it but off he will go in a few days. My baby is going to be a Junior in High School. That is making me old ... older than I already feel.
This week I've been in a lot of pain. And, I mean A LOT !!! My good side ... if I actually have one ... is acting up. My right back hip area is telling me nasty things. It's telling me that the Dr's are waiting for me to call. That the infusion chair is calling my name. That the frustrations of them either finding out what's wrong or not finding out what's wrong will continue. I am not ready yet. I will keep buying the whole store out of Pain Patches for old Ladies.
I've been to so many Dr's about my nerve pain. Two pain clinics. Each time I had two steroid epidural procedures done on my left back area. Each time I was told this wouldn't last long. With that look, from the nurse. Which told me, oh man I'm glad it's you and not me.
I've been lucky and haven't had a lot of trouble until now. (Let's not forget the coma and relearning to walk and talk but that's got nothing to do with my nerve pain.) Only now it's on my right side. My good side. The side that I've had trouble with ever since I woke up almost four years ago. (I was left with a weakness on my right side with nerve pain.)
You can't believe how much I try to pretend that I don't live in pain. I do everything to forget. It works most days. Cause it's all a mental game. It has to be. And, add that I still have some brain damage ... and when I was recovering and dealing with all of that pain, I told myself I just wanted to go home. Well, I'm here .. I got what I asked for.
Only I think time has caught up with me. I can not hide from the evil pain that lingers ... waiting to attack me. This week it won. This week I cried like a baby. I haven't done that in a long time. I don't feel sorry for myself too often. What happens in life ... well, it just happens. I always try to keep on going. Only this week ... it got to me. It really did.
Maybe cause I had such a great time at the Ocean .. celebrating my birthday. I did not hurt that week. I think that's why I wanted to put that pic up as my main photo. Me waving while playing in the waves. My fear is that this pain will get me again. I won't be able to walk ... again. (That's happened to me four times now.) I even had to get out my blue parking sticker. The kind they give out to the permanently handicapped. Yes, I qualified a few years ago. It's just that I'd been doing so good. I hardly ever use it ... only, now I'm back to being that lady who needs it. I've even gotten my cain out and when I go in my car, I see my walker hanging on the wall. I refuse to talk to it. I will not ever use that again. I won't.
So, while my back has been causing me trouble ... I've taken a few naps with my Purr Gang. Pain makes me tired and I've been really tired this week.
I know I'm saying too much but it's my blog and I can say what I want.
I'm going to show you some more photos from my vacation cause it makes me happy ...
And, tomorrow is another day ..
I hope it will be better for all of us