'Memories, Like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were'
Do you wonder what happened to your younger days ?
I do .. a lot ... lately.
I was in coma.
Just those words ... who says that ...
I guess I'm in a special club. Only I haven't met anyone who's in it. I think we walk around pretending it didn't happen. Those of us who were lucky enough .. to recover enough .. to be able to walk and talk enough .. to act normal enough.
I can't explain what my life is like. The recovery is a blur and at the same time, the longest part of my life. I remember it the most. I do better with the present. The past is a sort of memory for me. I remember some things and some I need help with.
Someone asked me what it was like. I told them it was like nothing. Nothing at all. I didn't think. I just was. I didn't feel. I just did. I was a child learning everything. With time, I remembered more and could function almost like a real person. Only I wasn't ... real. I just was.
It's been a while now and I still have memory problems. Not big things ... I know how to walk and talk and drive and think. I just don't think like I used to. I was educated. I knew lots of things. I felt things. Now, I don't feel like I used to. I don't remember like I used to.
It's like I've learned to pretend. Pretend to be me. Me ... can I look that up? I'm learning who that is by myself.
I used to be young.
I remember some of that. Where did those years go ? When did I get old?
Would it have been better not to remember at all ? I sometimes think it would have ... been better. It's been hard ... learning to be me ... the parts of me ... that I remember. And, even those memories are off a bit.
I'm almost the same only I'm not. I never will be.
I am always in search of peace. I think I lost it when I lost myself.
It's silly ... to be searching for things that are lost ... isn't it ?
I look in the mirror and I see an old lady ... I think I wear my wrinkles well even if some of them I can't recall...