Thursday, April 23, 2009

Peace




Lately, I’ve been asking for peace.

I look for it every day. I hope for it. I need it.

A lot has happened to me in the last years of my life.

I survived a coma.
Why ? I don’t really know. All I know is that I woke up.


I had to relearn the skill of walking which was painful.

I've relearned most words.

I don’t remember everything but I have a weird memory of a lot of things.


I would say it’s like I’m looking in a window from outside.
I know that I should know the people in the house but I’m not sure who they are. If I would go into that house, I would feel a strong sense that I knew them but I wouldn’t be able to place who they were or why.
Someone has to tell me who they are and why I know them.
I do much better with the new.
The past is hard for me.


When I first woke up, that’s what everything was like for me.
I did not think.
I just did.
I didn’t question.
I just was.
No thoughts were going on in my head.
I was blank.


As time went on, I remembered more.
I understood what I should do.
I just didn’t know why I knew things.
I didn’t even have a thought in my head either way.


It was like I was a child again.


As more time went on, I learned to walk a bit.
To eat.
To answer questions.
I needed to have someone be with me to do this though.



When I came home, when I was alone by myself.
I would sit.
I can’t tell you what I did all day.
I would look out a window and hours would go by.


It has helped to work on the computer.
If I don’t know something, I look it up.
At first they are scrambled to me.
I know most words now but just yesterday I ran into one that I didn’t.
I have to see them.
Words.
I have to relearn them.
Once I do, I remember them.


My neurologist said I was slower but not enough to be considered disabled.
Thus, after four months I was considered fine.
Oh, how funny that seems.
It’s been a long journey.
I’m not the same person I was before I got sepsis and they put me in a coma.
I never will be.
I still have moments where I can’t remember what I was doing.
I try to always have a list.
Things to do.
To keep myself busy.
To always be learning.
Always be doing.
It’s better that way.


I’ll tell you more about what my life is like … later.
I just wanted to tell you a bit about me.
The me I remember.
The person I am now.
The cat lover that I created when I woke up.

7 comments:

The Creek Cats said...

You've had a very interesting journey. Couldn't imagine having to relearn words, people, things..... Really admire you for what you have been through and where you are now.

Noll's Nip said...

What an incredible journey. My wish for you today, tomorrow and beyond is that Peace find you each and every day.

cb6789 said...

JC--I followed your recovery on the Weight Watchers posts & you've never tried to stop recovering. I try to recover from my diabetes every day.

STUEY said...

Wow you sound like an amazing woman, to have gone what you have gone through. I also see you have a deep love for animals and plants. I would ask you to visit my blog http://rusticranch.blogspot.com You have been looking at Nolls nip which is written by noll stuey's cousin, and his own my sister.

Sabrina, Sam and Simon said...

You are so articulate in your posts that we can't imagine anything other than your getting better and stronger. We think you are just amazing considering what you have been through in your life, and we are all going to purray that you will soon be completely recovered from this terrible ordeal. You are quite an inspiration, there is no doubt about it ...
Many, many purrs, and headbutts,
Sabrina, Sam and Simon
And many, many hugs from Momma Jan

Gayle@Mountain Moma said...

Wow JC! What challenges you have had. Sometimes life just throws us a twist we didn't see coming. Thanks for stopping by my blog today, it was nice to stop and see yours and get to meet you through your writing. Come by again, and I'll be stopping by. Love and blessings,
Gayle

Anna said...

Thanks for leaving comments on my blog. I have only read a bit of yours - and so far I am amazing to hear what you have been through. I feel humbled and embarrassed as I recall my occasional complaints about my life. It all seems so trivial in comparison. - Anna

There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all of the drama and the people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.

~ Jose N. Harris

Characters In My Garden

Purr Gang ~ My five cats

Cats ~ Al, Ashton Rosevelt, Jasmine Marie, Riley Andrew & Meredith Ann

Fur Gang ~ Jodie Isabella and Sally Jean
(The Original member, Sweet Bella is in memory only now. Maddy Jean, another original member, past away in August of 2014)

Mr. Boatman ~ my husband who likes boats

DD ~ my daughter who graduated and is now out living in the real world

DS or Dson ~ my son is studying computer science and math



Maddy Jean & Bella

Maddy Jean & Bella
Both gone but never forgotten

Jodie Isabella

Jodie Isabella

Al

Al
I adopted him from our local Humane Society

Ashton

Ashton
Adopted from my local horse supply store

Jasmine

Jasmine
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals

Riley

Riley
I adopted him from the local Humane Society

Meredith Ann

Meredith Ann
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals