Lately, I’ve been asking for peace.
I look for it every day. I hope for it. I need it.
A lot has happened to me in the last years of my life.
I survived a coma.
Why ? I don’t really know. All I know is that I woke up.
I had to relearn the skill of walking which was painful.
I've relearned most words.
I don’t remember everything but I have a weird memory of a lot of things.
I would say it’s like I’m looking in a window from outside.
I know that I should know the people in the house but I’m not sure who they are. If I would go into that house, I would feel a strong sense that I knew them but I wouldn’t be able to place who they were or why.
Someone has to tell me who they are and why I know them.
I do much better with the new.
The past is hard for me.
When I first woke up, that’s what everything was like for me.
I did not think.
I just did.
I didn’t question.
I just was.
No thoughts were going on in my head.
I was blank.
As time went on, I remembered more.
I understood what I should do.
I just didn’t know why I knew things.
I didn’t even have a thought in my head either way.
It was like I was a child again.
As more time went on, I learned to walk a bit.
To answer questions.
I needed to have someone be with me to do this though.
When I came home, when I was alone by myself.
I would sit.
I can’t tell you what I did all day.
I would look out a window and hours would go by.
It has helped to work on the computer.
If I don’t know something, I look it up.
At first they are scrambled to me.
I know most words now but just yesterday I ran into one that I didn’t.
I have to see them.
I have to relearn them.
Once I do, I remember them.
My neurologist said I was slower but not enough to be considered disabled.
Thus, after four months I was considered fine.
Oh, how funny that seems.
It’s been a long journey.
I’m not the same person I was before I got sepsis and they put me in a coma.
I never will be.
I still have moments where I can’t remember what I was doing.
I try to always have a list.
Things to do.
To keep myself busy.
To always be learning.
Always be doing.
It’s better that way.
I’ll tell you more about what my life is like … later.
I just wanted to tell you a bit about me.
The me I remember.
The person I am now.
The cat lover that I created when I woke up.