Sunday, December 5, 2010

Old Dogs


I'd like to tell you what I did today. I'd like to say that putting up the holiday decorations was fun. Me dusting the mantle and arranging the candles .. the fancy ones that are kept in the china cabinet. Some from my Mother and others from years upon years.  My dining room table has quite the assortment of reindeer and ice skating figurines. The pizza order was made on line no less. The two boys drove to get it.

 As I went to find my next candle holders, thinking that I would put 'need more candle holders' on my gift list, I counted my dogs. One. Not two but one. Where was Bella ? Did we leave her outside ? I remember seeing her walk past the dining room windows a bit ago. Could she still be out there ? It's kind of cold out and they don't like to be out there for too long. I opened the door and called her name. Nothing. I clapped my hands in their known pattern. Yes, I clap a pattern for them. Still ... nothing. I walked across the icy deck to see if she was in the woods.

 It was then that I saw her. Sitting next to the hot tub. She looked lost. I called her name and told her to come. She looked away. I came closer. She tried to hide even more. I called her again while looking at those icy steps. She came just a few steps and gave me the 'who are you' look. I knew she was gone in her world. Lost to what she knows. My old dog. My puppy who is lost. I knew what to do. I got the bones from the kitchen. Walked back outside to where she was hiding. I showed her the bones by leaning over the balcony as far as I could ... still trying not to go on those steps.

 It's then that it happened. She remembered the bones. Not me though. She followed the bones all the way to the door. As she came in, she forgot why she had come in. I called her name and she turned her head. I gave her the two well deserved bones. She's coming in and out of remembering her life. My dear sweet old dog.

So, today will be remembered as many things. The day we brought out the holiday boxes from the attic. The day we laughed about things found in them. I will remember that today was the day that I realized that my dog is on her way. I have tried to repair her for years. This surgery and that. She takes pills every day for her 'maybe bladder cancer'. I pretend it's just cause.

Only today I can't pretend. I know. Today I know I'm going to lose her. I think it's just a matter of time. Damn ...

~ JC ~

13 comments:

Kea said...

Oh, sweet Bella....Dementia along with the maybe bladder cancer? Poor baby.

Please give her lots of pats and kisses from me, and the cats are sending purrs to you both.

(((Hugs))) and Light.

Lyn said...

Oh poor Bella, at least she may not know what is going on and I am sure she still loves you and when the time comes she will be grateful for your love.
Hugs and thoughts
lyn
xxx

Cat said...

A long life demands a heavy price doesn't it? Sweet Bella...

The Creek Cats said...

Bless Bella's heart.....
Our woofie, Dixie, is getting in bad shape now too. She is going blind and having a hard time going up and down the steps to our home, especially in the dark.

Brian said...

Purrs and hugs, hugs and purrs, to you and sweet Bella.

janis said...

:(
puppy kisses to Bella

Sally in WA said...

You made me cry. Hugs to Bella. And to you.

momsbusy said...

it is so hard to see ones we love coming into the last stage of their life. when they look at you but do not quite remember - it breaks your heart. knowing the time is coming does not make it any easier. we will keep bella in our prayers.

Webster said...

Oh JC, I am sorry for Bella and I am sorry for you. I think I know one doggy who will be getting extra hugs and treats this Holiday season.

Tatyana@MySecretGarden said...

It is so sad... The old dogs are the sweetest and the saddest.

Fin said...

We are sorry that Bella is getting closer to the end, we send our best thoughts to all of you.

clairz said...

Lovely Bella. She may not know where she is all the time, but I'm pretty sure she knows she is surrounded with love.

Noll said...

My heart aches for you dear friend and for Bella.

There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all of the drama and the people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.

~ Jose N. Harris

Characters In My Garden

Purr Gang ~ My five cats

Cats ~ Al, Ashton Rosevelt, Jasmine Marie, Riley Andrew & Meredith Ann

Fur Gang ~ Jodie Isabella and Sally Jean
(The Original member, Sweet Bella is in memory only now. Maddy Jean, another original member, past away in August of 2014)

Mr. Boatman ~ my husband who likes boats

DD ~ my daughter who graduated and is now out living in the real world

DS or Dson ~ my son is studying computer science and math



Maddy Jean & Bella

Maddy Jean & Bella
Both gone but never forgotten

Jodie Isabella

Jodie Isabella

Al

Al
I adopted him from our local Humane Society

Ashton

Ashton
Adopted from my local horse supply store

Jasmine

Jasmine
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals

Riley

Riley
I adopted him from the local Humane Society

Meredith Ann

Meredith Ann
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals