Friday, August 20, 2010

I can do this ...

These are the flowers that were sitting on my table when I got home from my Birthday Weekend. My daughter had left a few hours before me and I was more than thrilled to see these welcoming me home. The baking shop item will make pecan bars. I love pecan pie so this will be something to make on the next cold day.

My birthday was so much fun. I'm really too old for this kind of thing. Went to the mall and looked around. Ended up getting some opal earrings to go with the necklace that Mr. Boatman had shocked me with last December.

I brought my sand dollars home. Have them in a bag for now. Will be putting them in a location soon.

My dog, Bella, isn't do well at all. If you remember, she had that nasty infection and hematoma in her ear. She's still on meds for that. Done with the prednizone though which we thought was the cause of her moistening problems. I found out yesterday that my Bella also has a bad bladder infection. She is on meds for that and the lab results ... yes, more money spent on that very expensive lab ... will return later this week. Vet said he hadn't seen anything that bad in forever.

We are supposed to go camping for a few days. The girls were going to their spa location. Now, I don't know if I should leave her there. The campground also called yesterday ... yesterday was the day for things ... and a tree is about to fall and they took away our campsite on the river. They left a message that they relocated us to another site. We looked on line and it's not on the water but in the back woods listed as walk in only. So, we are trying to decide what to do. Also, the nice weather is now cloudy so the camping trip will be just a bit chilly.

My migraines have been rather mean to me lately. And, I am being polite. My right side is in a fight for it's survival. I am dizzy. I can't see out of that eye .. that comes and goes ... due to the blurries. My throat freezes up and I talk weird. My face freezes and I can't move it. My leg goes numb. Then, it all goes back to normal to start all over again.

I keep trying to pretend that this is normal. It's not normal at all. I know most would go to a Dr. in a full speed run but not me. I've been to so many Dr's in my life. Most tell me it's all in my head ... which I know ... and I end up going to my car crying. Last time I did that I told myself never again. Also, Mr. Boatman's new job ... he's been there almost a year now ... has terrible insurance and I mean terrible. Even if I did go to a Dr. I'd be paying for the mri's and all the meds myself. So, I hope this is just migraines resulting from my coma. (I was told that my coma caused my headaches to be different but this is nuts ... cashew nuts ... and I'm not a squirrel)

So, as I watch my birds and yes, a few squirrels, I wonder if this could be my last birthday. I even said that out loud. I had such a nice time that I thought ... maybe there is a reason I'm having so much fun. And, if this was my last birthday .. man, it was a good one.

I just worry about my cats and my old dogs. I hope to continue on until they are gone. I'm just asking for ten or so more years. Baby Kitty Riley would be fourteen. Am I being greedy ? Yes, I am.


I figured that I got another chance when I woke up from my coma. It's been almost five years of me fighting to survive. To relearn to walk and talk and get most of my memories back. Fighting the constant things that continue to happen to me. I know deep inside that I am running out of time. At least it feels like it this time. So, if I don't blog as much as I used too ... just know that I am trying ... to hang on ... to keep on going.

I sit here in the woods with my fabulous purr gang and my two adorable dogs. I will win. I am a survivor. This headaches will go away. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

~ JC ~

14 comments:

The Kool~Kittie~Krew said...

I just so wanna {{{HUG}}} you!

Dog Trot Farm said...

JC have you been tested for Lyme's disease? I too suffer with horrible mirgaines, my right foot is completely numb. I've seen both top neurologist that we have in Maine, one fell asleep while taking my history, the other dumb founded. I spent close to a year in bed with a migraine. I have no faith in doctors whatsoever. May I ask what caused your coma? Hang in, you are not alone.I tested negitive for Lymes, however, I believe that is the primary cause for all my issues.

Amy and The House of Cats said...

Ok first we are sending over lots of purrs and prayers for both you and Bella - we hope you are both a lot better soon. That sounds like way more than a migraine, and yeah, I would say see a doctor, but I do understand about the doctors being jerks thing. I wish I could suggest something else but this sounds just horrible to go through. I have migraines, the regular kind, and those are bad enough. No matter what you pick doctor wise I hope you feel better soon.

And I hope this isn't your last birthday - I hope you have many more! But I understand about worrying about the furry kids - I do that all the time too - what if something happened. That is one thing you are not alone on.

JC said...

Thank You ... I have had migraines since I was eleven or so. They run in my family. I get the aura kind. Since my coma, they have been terrible. I've been to what I thought was a great neuro Dr. who said there was nothing he could do for my headaches. They are the new me. He also told me to lose weight. I haven't gone back to a Dr. since then.

I am hoping that this will go away.

In my life, I've been told I had fibromyalgia, ms, not ms or fibro, pinched nerves (those I have), I've had transverse myelitis, that was cured by iv steroids, I've been told to go to a psych dr, that was a few months before my coma.

I was put in a coma because I was dying. I was in an induced coma for about 10 days. I was in Septic Shock due to a bladder infection. I had the flu and it went into the infection and overnight I went in shock.

They could not wake me and I was put into a coma til they fixed me.

I was not expected to live but I did.

Someone had to feed those cats and dogs didn't they ?

I had to learn to walk and use my hands and to talk .. again. Most of my memories are back ... some are not but if someone reminds me of things I can get that memory back.

I don't look like anything happened to me. Six months after, I was given the a o k ... and my recovery years were ahead of me.

Now, if I could just get rid of these headaches / body numbness / dizziness etc.

clairz said...

You are so right, you ARE a survivor. With your good attitude, you can do this. I understand, though, about your worries. I think that you are very brave to put it all out there and to say what you are thinking. I hope that the old saying is true: A trouble shared, is a trouble halved.

Like Kool Kittie Krew said in the comment up above--Hugs to you!

ellen abbott said...

I so hope that this passes for you and that you have many more birthdays.

Lyn said...

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!
think of what you have already done and all the love you hav for your cats and dogs. sending love and ((((((((((hugs)))))))))
Hang on it there.
love
Lyn
xxx

Brian said...

My sisters and I send you purrs and extra ones for Bella too!

Felted House said...

You have been through so much and you are right - you are a surivor with a very positive attitude - I'm sure that our minds have a great effect on our bodies and health. So sorry to hear Bella is not well, hope she feels much better soon. xx

Kea said...

((((Hugs)))) and healing Light to you, JC. Yes, you CAN--and WILL--do this. Period.

Jacqueline said...

I hope you and Bella both feel better soon...I have migraines and Imitrex shots that I give myself offer great relief...Sending you lots of positive energy, love and big hugs...Take care, JC, I'll keep you in my prayers.

JC said...

I used to take imitrex but after my coma I was told I couldn't.

Lyn said...

Would you email me your address?
Love
Lyn
xxx

Anonymous said...

JC, I sympathize with your daily dealings with headache and other effects after your coma. I had an illness and subsequent problems with memory. I can identify with how you describe finding a self again. It's like starting life over at an old age. Every day I just create new memories. Try to find things I enjoy and really focus on them, mostly "little" things but really those are the "stop and smell the roses" moments everyone wants.

Many years ago, I had a terrible headache that just wouldn't quit. I too live in lyme disease country. But my doctor had me to go physical therapy (a chiropracter would also do) to work out my neck and back muscles. She also prescribed a very low dose anti-depressant to help relax muscles.

The combination, or one or the other, actually worked, and the headache gradually disappeared.

I don't know if this would help you or not. But maybe inactivity due to a coma would cause muscles to constrict and affect your spine and neck, and cause headaches.

I'm old too, and it seems like I've lived several lifetimes. The only thing that helps me is to do as you do, to live each day as the first day of my life. It takes discipline but the results are usually good.

There's not much I can control in the world, but I can make time each day for some happiness in nature, my kitty cat, friends, etc.

There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all of the drama and the people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.

~ Jose N. Harris

Characters In My Garden

Purr Gang ~ My five cats

Cats ~ Al, Ashton Rosevelt, Jasmine Marie, Riley Andrew & Meredith Ann

Fur Gang ~ Jodie Isabella and Sally Jean
(The Original member, Sweet Bella is in memory only now. Maddy Jean, another original member, past away in August of 2014)

Mr. Boatman ~ my husband who likes boats

DD ~ my daughter who graduated and is now out living in the real world

DS or Dson ~ my son is studying computer science and math



Maddy Jean & Bella

Maddy Jean & Bella
Both gone but never forgotten

Jodie Isabella

Jodie Isabella

Al

Al
I adopted him from our local Humane Society

Ashton

Ashton
Adopted from my local horse supply store

Jasmine

Jasmine
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals

Riley

Riley
I adopted him from the local Humane Society

Meredith Ann

Meredith Ann
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals