Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Lousy Day




I can't tell ya the lousy day I had yesterday
Oh I can
So I will

Most of you know that I woke up from my coma almost four years ago
After the .. dah ... who are you ... where am I ... oh I can't move
Reality of my new life .. there were the Headaches
Always, never ending, not leaving, no bag packed
HEADACHES

After going to my Dr's and them telling me it was just a new type
of after the coma ... Headache .. I was sent on my Merry way.
Did I just say Merry ...

So, I live with this ... this body I woke up with ... not that I'm
complaining ... ok, I am but I don't all the time ...
I live with whatever I wake up with each morning
Mostly a weakness on my right side
It comes and goes depending on the will of the after the coma gods
And I don't mean the God that everyone talks to on Sundays
I mean the Oh My God .. God ... the mean one that causes havic
In nice, at least I try to be, I think I am, people who try to keep on going

Why am I Crabby today ... which really I'm not ... if you lived in my old
body for just one of my weird, odd, terrible, exhausting ... session
You would know what I go through ... what is a normal thing for me

Yesterday, I felt a bit out of it. Thought I was tired cause of the dogs
getting me up at 2:30. Took it slow. Decided to take a sort of nap
with my girls. Felt a bit better but still like a Mean Migraine
 was waiting to pounce on me. Which it did.

My son, who should have his license by now but doesn't, calls to have
me pick him up. On the way home, he asked to go to the grocery store.
Simple request one would think. Within a few blocks, my right side goes
and I mean it's like it isn't there. Not numb .. just not there. I pull over as
soon as I can. It gets a bit better. We decide the best thing is to continue
to the store. I make it. By the time he gets out of the store, I can't move
my face on the right side. My voice has gone but only on the right side.
I can still use my foot to drive but I'm really just using my left side for everything.

We get home. I feel a bit better. That one is over. My leg and arm go
numb. Limp ... thump. I start talking fast. I start talking jumble. I go to
bed but not before calling Mr. Boatman to ask him to bring something
home for dinner. I left him the message on his phone.

I wake up after taking a nap with my dogs and cats. I love them. I know
I talk about them a lot. They seem to know when something is going on
with me. I don't think I could do this without them. Just saying.

As the night goes on, I improve. Then the pain of the headache arrives.
The previous attack was the start. The pain part is actually better. The
face is better now so I can talk only I don't really feel like talking.
Now my pinch nerve on my right side is acting up.
 I think cause well ... why not.

So, this morning all I am left with is a pain in my neck and a hope that
this is all in yesterday. I try to pretend this doesn't happen to me.
There isn't anything I can do. It's what we do .. isn't it ... to continue on.

I just had to tell someone. Cause it's my blog and I can say what I want.
I don't even feel sorry for myself. I'm lucky to have had these four years.
I wasn't supposed to live. I'm Lucky. It's just that lucky had a bad day.

So, how was your day ?


20 comments:

The Good Life in Virginia said...

it's good to talk about things and let them out. i often internalize everything.
the lavendar is pretty. mine didn't do well this year. don't know why...perhaps i needed to supplement the garden with vitamins or something.
hope today is better for ya.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Ugh!

Roses and Lilacs said...

Sounds terrifying. No control over these spells and they strike without warning. You have a lot of courage to keep coping.

I know what you mean about the friendship of your animals. They do seem to know when you feel bad and they always crowd around to protect you.
Marnie

Karen said...

JC...I am so sorry you had such a bad day!! I hope today is a better one! I know what you mean about the pets...mine always make me feel better too. My life would be so empty without my kitties and our dog.

JC said...

I'm better today. The neck pinch is letting up. I'm just not going to be driving to the mall like I wanted to but there's lots to do here ... like I said, I'm Lucky !!!

Noll's Nip said...

I like to be in control. I cannot imagine what you have to go through along with the not knowing.

The Creek Cats said...

Sending you lots and lots of hugs!!!

JC said...

Thanks, at times I think ... maybe if I went back to a Dr. they would say something like, " We know exactly what this is and how to fix you" ... only I know that it would be a waste of my time and I would end up just crying in my car afterwards and telling myself what a fool I was to try again.

I just keep on going .. my way. Nothing much else I can do.

And, my days aren't always like this ... I am always fighting them off though ... that's an every day thing.

I prefer to drink my coffee and pet my cats & dogs and pretend ... I do that a lot ... that my life is as good as I think it is ..

I'm a Silly Siamese after all ...

Kris said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are filling icky. Feel better soon!

juanitatortilla said...

Oh-my-god. You have such a good spirit despite all that nastiness your body is pulling on you. I feel very lucky to be able to read your blog, even. Thank you for reminding me not to take anything for granted.

Darlene said...

Oh I am so sorry for all the pain you go through. I get migraines and can't imagine having them all of the time. It would be so scary with your body going numb like that. I will pray that somehow, something can be done to ease your pain. I know you must find so much love and strength through your cats and dogs. I know when I feel bad I always have them all around me.♥

Natalie said...

Wow, that is a shocker. You should vent more often, so we can send you some lovin'.xx♥

Pop and Ice said...

My first thought was "How does she know she's not having a stroke?!" But I suppose this has happened before. I don't think blogs are supposed to be all sweetness and light and comedy - after all, that's not what life is like.

I hope today was better and that you keep getting better and better, even if slowly. I always smile when I get to your blog, seeing you and kitties and imagining what it's like to live in the NorthWest. I think I'd like it and I'd love to have you as a neighbor.

booshy said...

You win the craptastic day award. Hands down.

Hope you're feeling better.

Nancy said...

This is your blog and you can talk about whatever you want to talk about! I am so sorry you are having these issues. It must be so scary! Does the doctor have any idea why this is happening?

Your little animals seem to know when you are not feeling well - so sweet, isn't it? They can be such a comfort sometimes.

Furkidsmom said...

We just saw you on the Kitty Krew blog and came over to say hi. We're hoping your feeling better by the time you read this post.

Sniffie and the Florida Furkids

Fin said...

Oh Mom hug to you, that sounds so scary and hard. I'm so sorry you have to go through that.

Meg the Mom

KathyB. said...

I am in awe that you are able and willing to post this experience. I also really know what a comfort dogs and cats can be when we experience such difficulties...I REALLY do know. I hope you are doing better now and that you are able to lift your head and function without pain and fear.

LKPCA said...

Ditto what everyone says. Hope today's a good day.

I sympathize, though I can't possibly imagine what happens to you. I suffer from migraines, and I just had an episode a couple weeks back. It's only now subsiding. Only a fraction of what you go thru, but I feel for you.

Jan's Funny Farm said...

I'm speechless. I came by after reading your comment on JFF and after reading this I can't think of anything to say. Except, as scary as your life must seem at times, it must be good to be alive.

There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all of the drama and the people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.

~ Jose N. Harris

Characters In My Garden

Purr Gang ~ My five cats

Cats ~ Al, Ashton Rosevelt, Jasmine Marie, Riley Andrew & Meredith Ann

Fur Gang ~ Jodie Isabella and Sally Jean
(The Original member, Sweet Bella is in memory only now. Maddy Jean, another original member, past away in August of 2014)

Mr. Boatman ~ my husband who likes boats

DD ~ my daughter who graduated and is now out living in the real world

DS or Dson ~ my son is studying computer science and math



Maddy Jean & Bella

Maddy Jean & Bella
Both gone but never forgotten

Jodie Isabella

Jodie Isabella

Al

Al
I adopted him from our local Humane Society

Ashton

Ashton
Adopted from my local horse supply store

Jasmine

Jasmine
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals

Riley

Riley
I adopted him from the local Humane Society

Meredith Ann

Meredith Ann
I adopted her from Purrfect Pals